Dam! That's Good!

Let me paint a picture for you: it’s 2010, you’re in the basement of a friend who’s home from college. You’re having a couple of drinks, watching clips of Jackass, and he says he’s going to make you a whiskey cocktail. “Whiskey?” you say, “I don’t really drink whiskey, can I get a Red Bull vodka instead?” “Just trust me, you’ll love this” he assures you. Fine, what the hell? You see him pull some random ingredients out from the cabinet - a sugar cube? That weird short bottle with the oversized paper label you see at every liquor store counter? What could he possibly be making? He stands there muddling and pouring and mixing like a chemist in a lab, and presents you a glass of what looks like straight whiskey served over fruit salad. You put the glass up to your lips and take the first sip.... “this is fucking delicious” you exclaim as you go back for seconds, and thirds, and before you know it, you’re blacked out on your childhood friend’s couch. And just like that, your...

Despite being a lifetime pasta lover, I've never truly enjoyed penne alla vodka. No matter if prepared at home, or from a five star restaurant, it never quite did it for me. Be it the chewy bits of meat or gigantic chunks of onion and garlic, something about the texture was just off. Fast forward 20-odd years later my family has taken to simplifying holiday meals. One way we’ve done this is by purchasing pre-made vodka sauce from a local Italian grocery store. I know it may feel sacrilegious but let me tell you, this vodka sauce was one of the best that I’ve ever had. No bits of meat, no chunks of onion. Just a smooth, velvety sauce that coats pasta perfectly and tastes delicious. Now, I like to pride myself on making most of my food from scratch, and so I set off on a journey to try and replicate this sauce to the best of my ability. A couple of YouTube videos later and I was ready to roll. And now you can be too! Please note that I never measure anything out so all ingredients co...